"If you believe, you'll find a way." - Jocelyn Brown
I actually started writing this blog in my head when I was doing the washing up a few minutes ago, so this may come out as a bit of a jumble, but we'll get there, dear Reader. I'm also getting totally distracted by 'Die Hard' on the TV. It was the good bit where Alan Rickman falls out of the window in slow-mo. The CGI looks so dated now, but we thought it was so amazing in the cinema, right? Anyway...
What do you believe in? Ghosts? Santa Claus? A working democracy? Often when people mention Belief it is immediately connected to religion. I was just thinking about my personal beliefs and attitude towards life and religion, and I theorised thus; I am a little bit afraid of explaining my personal beliefs to people. I do feel like I have to justify my position with a long speech about spirituality and thoughtfulness. Why do I feel like that?
I think it's because Belief, and especially religious Belief, is such a personal journey, that to question a person's belief system is akin to denying their existence. You can banter with someone about their football team, sexuality, race, gender, family, all sorts. But try to challenge a person on what their soul represents. Their faith. No, you will not get away with that so easily. Wars are fought based on religious beliefs, and the bigger the perceived army of followers, the longer the battle. Plus, my beliefs aren't completly tied to one branch of organised religion or spirituality.
This is how I feel about organised religion. I think a lot of it is down to perception, and it's a bit like Chinese whispers. A Hebrew phrase for "some stuff happened today with a guy and some water, I'm not sure but it looked pretty awesome!" has turned into "And this guy called Jesus came and turned the water into wine, and it was awesome!". It also seems pretty clear to me that all the major religions are referring to one higher power, they're just having petty arguments about the details. Like having a peace treaty and everyone involved wanting to name it after their own town. I also feel that people are very particular about what they choose to believe within that religion. One man's peaceful vision is another man's 'hate on everyone that doesn't agree with what we believe'. So, when you try to have a conversation about Religious thought, a person will do their damnedest to defend what they have chosen for fear of being deemed either stupid or mad. Having a belief system is being asked by whomever called you to have some blind faith.
And this idea of one religion being seen as morally better than another drives me mad. Just because something is more popular and has more followers, doesn't mean it's good or right. Look at One Direction. (I was gonna post a picture here of the 1D boys, but then I realised that a) I'm not a fucking Cracked.com writer, and b) I'd actually have to search for that shit and I can't bring myself to do that) For hundreds of years Missionaries have travelled to countries to do what they see as their Lord's work, promising those poor, ignorant souls in underdeveloped places that if they follow X, Y or Z they will be prosperous in all sorts of ways. If you went to a bunch of people now and tried to tell them about believing in something they've never heard of before, whether you are right or wrong, you'd be labelled a nut and told to take your cult elsewhere.
My religion? Well, I was brought up in the good old Church Of England. Old faithful. I don't completely dismiss it, but I don't think I should just ride with the flow just because somebody told me to when I was young. I do not subscribe to the idea of the big man in the flowing white robes (who said it was a man anyway?) or the guy in the sandals with the beard who looks suspiciously white for a Middle Eastern dude... I believe in a higher power. And myself. I think there is so much more to our minds, and to our Universe, that is woefully unexplored, and we have a connection to everything and everyone around us. We often talk about Luck, Déjà vu, Coincidences, The Law of Attraction, Déjà vu (OK, crap joke.), but because we can't explain anything scientifically or it doesn't have any basis in traditional religion, they aren't always taken seriously. I have small blessings and signals sent to me all the time, but just as with any faith, it is up to me to not only choose to see them, but to choose to accept them. And these things are not so far removed from the teachings of organised religion. Luck is positive faith. The Law of Attraction is asking for the right things to come into your life, as you do with prayer.
And they interweave. For example, I was in a bit of a pickle this week, trying to get my pram with Fran inside off a very busy Jubilee line train carriage while a bunch of selfish fuckwits tried to pile on. I am trying very hard not to curse in front of her nowadays. It was easier when she didn't understand, but now she's babbling and repeating things we say, I really don't want to be that woman in the Doctors' surgery with the little girl who can't walk yet but can call the receptionist a fucking eejit (!!). As I was getting off the train finally (after kicking someone's suitcase too), my frustration caused me to utter the words "Jesus wept!" loudly. Now, as I explained earlier, I'm not that into religion, and going to church and Sunday school when I was kid does not qualify me to recall Bible verses. I even went to a church last week for a Christening, and I made the joke that the walls weren't bleeding and it didn't burn to the ground while I was there (I'm pretty sure if there is a Heaven & Hell, Satan's already got my hot seat reserved). That phrase has never left my lips before. The next day, there was a question on a quiz show about the amount of words in the shortest verse in The Bible. The answer was 2. Those words were: "Jesus wept." Stuff like that happens to me all the time. Sometimes I know what it means, sometimes it makes no sense whatsoever at the time but then I'll get another clue or hint at the right time. And that's another thing I believe. Keeping your mind on your journey, focusing, listening out for the signals and making those requests, all good and should be practised every day, but The Universe will give you what you seek when the time is right. My friend Suzy had the book 'The Secret' on her bedroom floor which I spotted when I was visiting one day. This book had cropped up in things I had been reading about for a while, but when I went to Waterstone's and saw how much it was, I couldn't justify the price and put it back. She let me borrow her copy and I read it voraciously. It felt good for a while, to think so positively and have that level of random happiness in my life, but after a few weeks the effect wore off and I couldn't work out why. It took a little longer to understand, but I got it eventually.
No religion or belief system is going to do everything you want it to or answer all your questions. No process is perfect. You have to go out there and read, research, talk, listen, experience. And one size does not fit all. There are elements of Christianity that appeal to me, as do parts of Islamic teachings about respect, Buddhist teachings about inner peace, and all sorts of other things. Even Atheism is fascinating.
A final thought on this subject; I do respect other people's journeys with their souls and faith and understand their personal reasons. I will never respect a person who tries to ram their religious ideals down my throat. I am not ignorant because I choose to view things my way; you are ignorant if you treat those who don't agree with you with disdain.
Random thought: There's a bit of the Warhorse film score that they play in the trailer that sounds exactly like the chorus of 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars. It's bugging me. I wonder if anyone else has noticed? Just thought I'd add that..
